[Eric,

Excellent writing. Very good turns of phrase and expressive devices. Let’s do some Tolkien Wednesday, perhaps some excerpts from the original and alternative versions or a bit of the epilogue.]

The History of The Lord of the Rings is a four-volume series that was compiled and edited by Christopher Tolkien. It contains a great variety of unpublished material by his father, J.R.R. Tolkien, who is best known as the author of The Lord of the Rings: [comma or semicolon here would be more appropriate than a colon] the abandoned drafts of which comprise the bulk of the series [good subordinate clause structure]. The four books also constitute volumes six through nine of a larger collection, The History of Middle-earth. Their independent titles are The Return of the Shadow, The Treason of Isengard, The War of the Ring, and Sauron Defeated, respectively.

The History of The Middle Earth

Christopher Tolkien begins The Return of the Shadow by showing a number of different versions of A Long Expected Party, which is the first chapter of The Lord of the Rings. The original drafts of this chapter alone make up almost one third of the book. He then moves on to give drafts of later parts of the book, while providing extensive notes and observations throughout. It is very interesting to examine the enormous changes it [the precise antecedent to this anaphoric reference is not as clear as it could be] underwent in its structure. Many of the characters had very different personas and functions, or didn’t even exist. Almost every character underwent a tremendous sequence of changes in name, as well. This first volume ends with only about one sixth of the plot examination completed.

The Treason of Isengard continues in the same fashion as its prequel, though it advances the story a bit more quickly. It also contains an examination of the first map of Middle-earth, drawn by J.R.R. Tolkien himself, and the evolution of the Cirth, a runic alphabet. What I consider to be the highlight of this volume is the presence of the final version of the Eärendillinwë, or Lay of Eärendil. This is a poem that was present in the published version of The Lord of the Rings, but not in its ultimate form. The final version was accidentally left unpublished, but can now be found in The Treason of Isengard. [Very interesting!]

The War of the Ring, focusing almost wholly on completion of the examination of The Lord of the Rings drafts, advances the story to its climax. In Sauron Defeated, the conclusion is finally reached. This volume also includes the unseen Epilogue: a delightful piece that takes place a number of years after the conclusion, in which one of the main protagonists answers questions about his adventure that are put to him by his children. [Samwise? Meriadoc?] Unfortunately, it was not published with The Lord of the Rings due to a number of criticisms, though Tolkien greatly desired its inclusion. It is nonetheless a very enjoyable piece and includes perhaps my favorite excerpt from The History of The Lord of the Rings: “‘What happened to Gimli?’ said Frodo-lad. ‘I liked him. Please can I have an axe soon dad? Are there any orcs left?’” This final volume also contains an abandoned work known as The Notion Club Papers, which features the minutes of a group of fictional authors who are based on the members of Tolkien’s own club, “The Inklings”. The book concludes with The Drowning of Anadûnê, which is the original draft of Akallabêth: a story found in Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, and [together with] an explanation of the Adûnaic language and its structure.

I found The History of The Lord of the Rings to be a very interesting and enjoyable work. It offered much insight into how Tolkien wrote his masterpiece, with supplements from previously unseen works. However, I expect that very few people would share my enthusiasm for it. Most would in fact consider it to be a thing of utmost boredom. Only those who have delight in the most obscure bits of information on Tolkien’s legendarium could enjoy a collection of this sort. If you do not study Adûnaic genealogies, Elvish languages, or annals of Arda, you most probably will not be capable of savoring these books. I would only recommend them to inordinate Tolkien enthusiasts.

[It actually sounds utterly fascinating. Could you present some excerpts Wednesday, perhaps from the epilogue? ]

~Eric

P.S.

I seem to remember learning somewhere that it is appropriate to italicize words of a foreign language. Is that correct?

[Yes, exactly. Foreign words or phrases that have not become standard English usage.]

[Marc,

You bring up some very cogent points here, well worthy of discussion. Of course you are very right about the tendency the human has toward exclusion and hatred of others who deviate from some arbitrary norm – and you provide an excellent example list of the “objectionable” attributes which engender that sort of response.

It is indeed strange that accents as such should be the cause of such rancor. On the one hand, one is criticized for not adopting a standard accent, and on the other one may be accused of “affectation” and subjected to criticism for learning an accent, even one of the standard ones. The ignominy that accompanies deviant modes of speech is extremely unfair but, unfortunately, ubiquitous.

Marc, your spoken English is certainly above the norm when compared with that of most adult speakers of American English. This achievement in one your age (and particularly in one who is trilingual) is something to be very proud of. Unfortunately, people have trouble seeing past the accent, but, as you say, this is their problem, not yours.]

On Standard Accent

Should student be expected to speak with a standard accent? My reply is based on my personal experience. People often criticize me on the internet [“Internet” is normally capitalized.] because I give speeches at my concert. People don’t criticize my music but instead will criticize my accent. [The “will” is unnecessary, but can be used in this context to imply “insist upon” or “unrelentingly” It works well here.]

First, I am going to talk about what I feel when I hear this, then I am going to talk about the people who give me the criticisms [try: disparage, decry, belittle, derogate] and the people who read the malicious criticism but say nothing, and, [A new sentence here would be best.] finally, I am going to look at the criticism itself.

At first, I was not upset because I thought I did well playing the music and my accent was trivial[!]. After a while, my mother got upset and that got me upset. And now, I have had so much criticism, I am back to my first position – I don’t care.

People have many things they need, such as water to drink, food to eat, air to breathe, periods of sleep and someone to HATE. People who criticize are purposely trying to make you feel bad. They will attack someone for being fat, foreign, disabled, unattractive, odd, homeless, mentally slow, or poor [a superb list. This is a very useful device used well]. All of these are jeers, not suggestions meant to help you.

Besides people who criticize, there are people who stand by and listen. Some of these people are sadistic, some of them don’t care, but a lot of them know what’s right and don’t say anything.

“All it takes for evil to prevail is for the good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke. [Point well taken.]

We have been looking at the people who criticize my accent and to use that as an example of the kind of person who takes delight in tormenting others. Now let’s examine whether the commotion over my accent was all nonsense.

The question is should one speak with a standard accent? So….what is a standard accent? Boston English? Southern English? British English? BBC Engish [English]?

[Marc, you have brought up some very important points here. Good work.

Your question about spoken English standards has no definitive answer. One can as easily be shunned and rejected for using a standard accent as a non-standard one, depending on where one is. It is a highly relative thing. An ability to adapt can be very useful.]

[Ayla,
Super work! See below.]

Everyday Tom Sawyers

The ground rattled and shook beneath my bike as I careened down the dirt path[,]. I [gripping] gripped the handlebars and gently pumped the brake in a attempt to keep control of the contraption. It was my first time mountain biking and so far it was quite fun [“fun” should be used as a noun. We’ll discuss that]. I looked ahead of me at Seth who seemed to have no fear as he darted down side trails and took  the bumpiest way for his path. Even though this looked fun, I fallowed Andrew who searched for the smoother and the strait [straight] forward path. As we sped along, Seth yelled over his shoulder “Hey! Lets stop up ahead!” And here is where aourreal [our real] adventure begins.

The three of us skidded to a stop and dismounted our bicycles. Andrew pulled out his rusty kickstand, I propped my bike against a wooden bench, and Seth flung his bike to the ground. We surveyed the sight in front of us. The shallow stream that had been stumbling along beside our path slowed and glided peacefully over a sandy bottom. The sun filtered through the fluttering trees, creating a golden glow on the waters’ surface and the moist earth let off a lush scent of outdoors [very nice description].  It looked like a place you could only find in storybooks. It made one expect to see some mystical creature come gallivanting out of the vegetation or fairies to be peeking out from behind flower petals. Seth threw me a wicked grin, and in tandem we plopped down on a rock and began to unlace our shoes.

The leave-strewn soil was cool on our bare feet as we ran tender-footed toward the bank of the creek , trying to dodge the twigs that the trees had discarded[!]. Andrew just watched as Seth and I took the plunge into the crisp water and laughed when we shrieked with shock. The cold draft numbed our toes and goose-bumped our legs.  Indeed, the seemingly magical water was quite icy to the touch and the sand beneath us enjoyed sinking a little bit with ever step that we took. [Very good!]

After strolling around a bit, I waded back to the bank and sat next to Andrew on a rock that protruded out into the water. I gave him a look that said, “Excuse me? Why are your shoes still on your feet?” Andrew, being a person of few words, got the message and began the process of untying. We both turned as Seth called out “ Hey guys! Check this out!” He stood looking triumphant on the other side of the bank, pointing at something tied to a branch that grew out over the creek. Seth moved in closer and upon further investigation discovered a wire cable hanging from the tree limb. It was complete with a canvas loop and a sturdy knot securing it to its perch.  The one problem was that the depth of the water below it was too deep for us to go out and grab hold of it, so the search commenced for a grappler. I scrambled over some stones and plodded over some large  roots, Andrew close at my heels. I spied a thick stick sitting among some foliage not too far ahead.  Excited I pounced down on it and waved it above my head shouting back “I found a perfect grabber!”  As I turned to look at them they just stared at me with a mixture of bemusement and horror.

“Ayla” Andrew said, “ you’re standing in Poison Ivy”. I looked down at the wreath of leaves of three surrounding my naked feet and gave a smile.

“ You guys…” I paused for effect “I’m not allergic to poison Ivy”[] .  They did a double take and then gave a sigh of relief. I just laughed. We ventured back to our origin and carefully reached out over the pool and guided the rope towards us. It took us two tries, but our patience prevailed and with triumph we let Seth have the first go (him [he] being its discoverer and the classic guinea pig). He gripped the handle tightly and pushed himself off the bank. He swung out over the calm water and silently returned back.

“That was awesome!” he pronounced and he passed the rope to Andrew. Andrew though pulled farther back from the rim of the creek and up and up on to a root. Seth and I watched with excitement as Andrew took the dive. He hollered and kicked his legs as he careened though the air, his adrenaline rushing. He came to a stop and simply said “wow!”.

Andrew handed me the rope and I paused for a moment. I looked around me and saw what I was looking for: a huge boulder protruding from the side of the bank. I tuned and looked at the two boys.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Said Andrew. I shifted to Seth.

“Do it!” He said, the devil in his eye.  I gave final impish smirk and climbed the boulder using the cracks and crannies as my ladder. Feeling the butterflies in my stomach, I observed the decision I had made. The distance below pulled at me as I peered over the edge. I gulped.

“Well, get on with it!” Seth goaded. I stood teetering on the edge for a moment, then I launched myself from the [pedestal?] pedicel [a pedicel is a tiny stalk-like structure of a plant. Perhaps this would work if you are being a metaphorical fairy.], giving a Tarzan-like whoop.   The ground dropped out from under me and the air whooshed passed my face. The momentum did not stop as it turned me from leaping girl into human pendulum; it became clear that I would require brakes. [excellent!]

I dropped my feet and plunged them into the creek water below me creating a water wall that trailed behind my feet as I careened toward the bank. Andrew and Seth shielded themselves as the mini tidal wave hit shore. Drenched, they reached out and grabbed my feet giving an ending to my sky diving experience. We all just stood frozen for a second, me dangling from the rope, my right foot in Seth’s hand, my left in Andrew’s, and we all exchanged boggle eyed glances. We then resumed our favorite pastime of laughing.

We sat on the bench and pulled our shoes back on to our feet. The water dripped from our sopped clothing and our hair was pushed permanently back in wind tunnel position. The sock felt restrictive and the weight of shoe[,] irksome as we mounted the bikes again. The three of us gave the water hole one last look before we started peddling. We rode in silence for a brief moment the n Andrew said “ Man, we would have made Tom Sawyer proud!” [(And your parents would cringe)

Very nicely written Ayla!! Excellent use of descriptive language, parallel constructs and sophisticated expression. Would you be willing to read this to the class? Very nice work indeed. ]

[Greg,

Very nicely written. The level of this paper compares well with most professional journalism. Excellent work!]

Swine Flu: bacon has its revenge

Last month two strange flu cases were picked up in San Diego County, California.  After some study of the virus, it was recognized as being similar to the swine flu common in pigs.  The Mexican government took notice of this, since some residents of Mexico City had been reporting what they believed to be “late-season flu.”  The Mexican cases were confirmed by the CDC [expand first use of an acronym] and the World Health Organization [WHO] to be a new strain of H1N1.  The Mexican government distributed face masks to help prevent its spread; though whether or not they have helped has been a subject of dispute.  The media quickly picked up on this “swine flu” and began to spread the word on it.  But is it as big a deal as they say? [Nice introductory paragraph with a clever hook at the end.]

Many countries have closed their doors to the pork trade to try [in an effort] to prevent the spread of the flu.  One thing that makes the swine flu so different is the age of those who develop [contract the disease].  Most swine flu cases in the United States have occurred in people younger than 20 years old. The median age of those diagnosed with it is 17.  With the common flu, normally only the elderly will die, but the swine flu has killed several people of younger generations.

Since the outbreak of the flu, the pork industry has taken a substantial hit.  C. Larry Pope, the chief executive of Smithfield Foods, says “Swine flu is a misnomer; they need to be concerned about influenza, but not eating pork.”  Egypt slaughtered thousands of pigs in an effort to suppress the epidemic, but medical authorities have said that people cannot contract the swine flu from eating properly cooked pork.  Some think Egypt used this as an excuse to target its Christian minority.  (Its Muslim majority does not eat pork.)  In an attempt to eradicate this idea, many are suggesting it be called by its scientific name, H1N1.  Pork sales are seeing a steep decline around the country, so let’s hope the government does not feel obligated to pass a pork bailout bill.[;-)]

Surprisingly, many genetic components of this current flu can be traced not to Mexico, but to a swine flu virus that first emerged in North Carolina a decade ago.  An article in The Huffington Post explains: “The 1998 outbreak, though confined to pigs, spread with ferocious virulence. Soon after the North Carolina sows got sick, outbreaks were reported in Texas, Minnesota, and Iowa herds. Within months, pigs were getting sick nationwide. More than 4,300 samples were taken from swine in 23 states, and on average, 20.5% of them had the new triple-assortment virus. In Illinois and Iowa, 100% of the animals were infected, while Kansas and Oklahoma each reported rates of 90%.”

[With a long quote like this one, it would be best to italicize and to indent the whole block.]Scientists of the time warned that if not addressed, the problem could eventually develop into something greater.  Believe it or not, the current swine flu has been attributed not only to the pig flu, but also the bird flu we were so concerned with a few years ago, as well as the common flu, which helped make it possible for this influenza strain to jump to humans.

Experts disagree upon exactly how dangerous the flu is, or how far and wide this pandemic will reach.  It’s important to understand that a pandemic does not necessarily equal an apocalypse. A pandemic occurs when a new flu virus emerges and starts spreading easily from person to person, and then from country to country.  The swine flu also lacks certain mutations prevalent in the dangerous influenza viruses of the past, such as the catastrophic flu of 1918.  Still, one may want to be careful; even if it’s being blown out of proportion, that doesn’t mean it can’t become dangerous very quickly.  All it needs is a few mutations in its genetic structure, and it can become just as deadly as some make it out to already be[why is this awkward?]. Some authorities think the strain in Mexico City was just that, and that most of what is spreading elsewhere is a less formidable variety [or “strain”].  Many think it would have spread more rapidly had it been as dangerous as first expected.  Only a confirmed 26 have died of the flu out of the nearly 1000 cases reported (though the real number may be larger.)  On average, 36,000 people die from seasonal flu every year.

Influenza rarely survives through the summer because of the increased radiation from the sun, so we should be hopeful, whether or not the flu is as serious a problem as some purport it to be.  Still, we should take steps to prevent it; and the best advice I can give you is to wash your hands and cook your bacon. [Nice ending. Good arc and premise. ]