Everyday Tom Sawyers

[Ayla,
Super work! See below.]

Everyday Tom Sawyers

The ground rattled and shook beneath my bike as I careened down the dirt path[,]. I [gripping] gripped the handlebars and gently pumped the brake in a attempt to keep control of the contraption. It was my first time mountain biking and so far it was quite fun [“fun” should be used as a noun. We’ll discuss that]. I looked ahead of me at Seth who seemed to have no fear as he darted down side trails and took  the bumpiest way for his path. Even though this looked fun, I fallowed Andrew who searched for the smoother and the strait [straight] forward path. As we sped along, Seth yelled over his shoulder “Hey! Lets stop up ahead!” And here is where aourreal [our real] adventure begins.

The three of us skidded to a stop and dismounted our bicycles. Andrew pulled out his rusty kickstand, I propped my bike against a wooden bench, and Seth flung his bike to the ground. We surveyed the sight in front of us. The shallow stream that had been stumbling along beside our path slowed and glided peacefully over a sandy bottom. The sun filtered through the fluttering trees, creating a golden glow on the waters’ surface and the moist earth let off a lush scent of outdoors [very nice description].  It looked like a place you could only find in storybooks. It made one expect to see some mystical creature come gallivanting out of the vegetation or fairies to be peeking out from behind flower petals. Seth threw me a wicked grin, and in tandem we plopped down on a rock and began to unlace our shoes.

The leave-strewn soil was cool on our bare feet as we ran tender-footed toward the bank of the creek , trying to dodge the twigs that the trees had discarded[!]. Andrew just watched as Seth and I took the plunge into the crisp water and laughed when we shrieked with shock. The cold draft numbed our toes and goose-bumped our legs.  Indeed, the seemingly magical water was quite icy to the touch and the sand beneath us enjoyed sinking a little bit with ever step that we took. [Very good!]

After strolling around a bit, I waded back to the bank and sat next to Andrew on a rock that protruded out into the water. I gave him a look that said, “Excuse me? Why are your shoes still on your feet?” Andrew, being a person of few words, got the message and began the process of untying. We both turned as Seth called out “ Hey guys! Check this out!” He stood looking triumphant on the other side of the bank, pointing at something tied to a branch that grew out over the creek. Seth moved in closer and upon further investigation discovered a wire cable hanging from the tree limb. It was complete with a canvas loop and a sturdy knot securing it to its perch.  The one problem was that the depth of the water below it was too deep for us to go out and grab hold of it, so the search commenced for a grappler. I scrambled over some stones and plodded over some large  roots, Andrew close at my heels. I spied a thick stick sitting among some foliage not too far ahead.  Excited I pounced down on it and waved it above my head shouting back “I found a perfect grabber!”  As I turned to look at them they just stared at me with a mixture of bemusement and horror.

“Ayla” Andrew said, “ you’re standing in Poison Ivy”. I looked down at the wreath of leaves of three surrounding my naked feet and gave a smile.

“ You guys…” I paused for effect “I’m not allergic to poison Ivy”[] .  They did a double take and then gave a sigh of relief. I just laughed. We ventured back to our origin and carefully reached out over the pool and guided the rope towards us. It took us two tries, but our patience prevailed and with triumph we let Seth have the first go (him [he] being its discoverer and the classic guinea pig). He gripped the handle tightly and pushed himself off the bank. He swung out over the calm water and silently returned back.

“That was awesome!” he pronounced and he passed the rope to Andrew. Andrew though pulled farther back from the rim of the creek and up and up on to a root. Seth and I watched with excitement as Andrew took the dive. He hollered and kicked his legs as he careened though the air, his adrenaline rushing. He came to a stop and simply said “wow!”.

Andrew handed me the rope and I paused for a moment. I looked around me and saw what I was looking for: a huge boulder protruding from the side of the bank. I tuned and looked at the two boys.

“Oh no, you don’t.” Said Andrew. I shifted to Seth.

“Do it!” He said, the devil in his eye.  I gave final impish smirk and climbed the boulder using the cracks and crannies as my ladder. Feeling the butterflies in my stomach, I observed the decision I had made. The distance below pulled at me as I peered over the edge. I gulped.

“Well, get on with it!” Seth goaded. I stood teetering on the edge for a moment, then I launched myself from the [pedestal?] pedicel [a pedicel is a tiny stalk-like structure of a plant. Perhaps this would work if you are being a metaphorical fairy.], giving a Tarzan-like whoop.   The ground dropped out from under me and the air whooshed passed my face. The momentum did not stop as it turned me from leaping girl into human pendulum; it became clear that I would require brakes. [excellent!]

I dropped my feet and plunged them into the creek water below me creating a water wall that trailed behind my feet as I careened toward the bank. Andrew and Seth shielded themselves as the mini tidal wave hit shore. Drenched, they reached out and grabbed my feet giving an ending to my sky diving experience. We all just stood frozen for a second, me dangling from the rope, my right foot in Seth’s hand, my left in Andrew’s, and we all exchanged boggle eyed glances. We then resumed our favorite pastime of laughing.

We sat on the bench and pulled our shoes back on to our feet. The water dripped from our sopped clothing and our hair was pushed permanently back in wind tunnel position. The sock felt restrictive and the weight of shoe[,] irksome as we mounted the bikes again. The three of us gave the water hole one last look before we started peddling. We rode in silence for a brief moment the n Andrew said “ Man, we would have made Tom Sawyer proud!” [(And your parents would cringe)

Very nicely written Ayla!! Excellent use of descriptive language, parallel constructs and sophisticated expression. Would you be willing to read this to the class? Very nice work indeed. ]